


Past and Present

by oneawkwardcookie



Series: Past and Present [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ficlet, Tags in notes for each chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25190029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneawkwardcookie/pseuds/oneawkwardcookie
Summary: Sometimes it's all too much, the past and present colliding.(Each chapter works as a standalone piece.)
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Past and Present [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883812
Comments: 18
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's his birthday. She could never forget it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Day 5 of 911 Week 2020: “It’s okay, you can cry.” + comfort
> 
> Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Mentions of Doug Kendall, 911week2020, Ficlet

It's his birthday. She could never forget it. It'd always been a big affair, a fancy party with his work colleagues, black tie, the good champagne glasses. She shudders.

It's his birthday and she hates it, hates that she remembers it, hates that she still thinks about it.

She starts as the door opens, forces her breaths to slow and dabs at her face frantically.

Chimney's face still falls when he walks into the bedroom. He walks slowly to the bed, setting himself a safe distance away, before tentatively reaching a hand forward. He places it gently over where she's staring at hers, clutching the duvet.

"How can I help?"

It makes her sniffle more, trying to hold back the tears, feeling like he deserves better than someone who still feels, feels, feels - 

"I'm sorry." She feels her tears cloud her lashes and blinks furiously.

"Hey, no, there's no need to apologise." She looks up to see that he has that soft smile on his face. He looks like love. "I'm here for you. Can I -"

She nods and closes her eyes as his palm cups her cheek. She leans into it and his thumb softly brushes at one of the tears that have broken free of her lashes.

"It's his birthday," she whispers, "and I don't know why it's got to me."

"Maddie, it's alright. It's okay, you can cry."

Her eyes are still closed but she's gripping the back of his shirt now, face buried in the crook of his neck. She lets herself sob, a broken sound that comes from somewhere within her, and he takes it in his stride. She lets her guard down and he catches her, holds her up, holds her together. She lets herself take comfort in him and he gives it: freely, endlessly, lovingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this needs more tags : I know that this is a sensitive topic and I've not written about this before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You never know what will remind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Chimney Han Appreciation Week 2020 — Day 1: panic attack + hurt-comfort
> 
> Tags: Mentions of Shannon Diaz, Brief Mention of Blood, Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

It's after dinner and it's late, because he'd waited until Maddie finished her shift, an hour after his. They're both tired and dinner was an uncharacteristically quiet affair.

Now though. Now they're arguing, about something and he really should know what, because this doesn't happen very often at all, but between the blaring music outside and the sound of the TV in the background, blasting out some dramatic procedural, he's quickly becoming overwhelmed.

He looks over as he goes to switch off the TV and there's an... incident. A woman lies on the street, yellow dress turning black where the blood seeps out of her side, soaking through the thin fabric and sliding up the sidewalk to pool under her brown hair.

He freezes. When Maddie stops talking, he turns to her. She's got a yellow blouse on too. It's always vivid in his dreams, starkly contrasted against grey concrete and the fresh red of Shannon's blood, painting a Rorschach pattern into the road. He'd lost her, thoughtlessly snatched her from Eddie, and now he was going to lose Maddie too. He couldn't protect her, couldn't save her...

Maddie's arm around him makes him jump and she lets go once she's guided him to sit on the couch, hands grabbing the remote and silencing the screaming.

"Howie, it's alright." Why's she using that voice: that 911 operator, nurse to a patient, hostage situation kind of voice?

"Howie, just breathe with me." He can't, his lungs are on fire. Try as he might, he can't see her through the tears in his eyes, can't hear the sound of her breaths through the blood roaring in his ears, can't even really feel the leather beneath his legs.

"I can't —" He can't even finish the sentence, choking as he gasps for the words that his mind and tongue can't provide. It feels like drowning, the ache and the blackness threatening to swallow his vision.

"You can, it's alright, you're alright, I'm right here."

His tears are running down his cheeks now and he tastes them on his lips. He swings out his arm, hoping to catch hold of something that will bring him back to reality. Maddie's hand catches his, other arm stretching behind him to grip his shoulder. The two points of contact are pins on a map, tracing a path back into his body.

"I've got you, you can do it, in... and out, in... and out, that's it." He focuses on her voice, soft yet persistent against his ear.

It takes a few minutes, or maybe longer (he can't tell how time operates right now) but he's no longer hyperventilating, and all that's left of his evaporated tears is the salty silt. 

"I'm going to get you some water." She waits for his nod, and makes quick work of shutting the living room window before coming back, cold glass pressed into his hand, held until he curls both sets of fingers around it. He sips it slowly, throat still feeling weak, vulnerable, not quite under his control.

"I'm sorry." His voice is still a rough croak as he puts the glass down.

"Howard, no. You don't need to be sorry." Her hands are soft on the sides of his face, gently guiding him to look at her. Her eyes are a little red at the edges, but she looks at him with such love that he almost loses his breath again.

"It happens, you know that." He hums his acceptance, letting a small smile quirk his lips for a second.

She presses their foreheads together. "Let's call it a night." They stay like that for a few moments longer, her breath warm on his lips, before wordlessly getting up, Maddie's hand clasping his with a ferocious sort of protectiveness. 

When she gets into bed, she curls up behind him, arm wrapped tight around his middle and lips pressed to the back of his neck.

He closes his eyes, and breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was drafted in my phone notes and written directly into AO3, so 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽
> 
> [@kitkat0723](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkat0723/pseuds/kitkat0723)'s comment on Chapter 1 and the Chimney Han week prompts somehow combined to make this 😋
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
